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        I just bought a lovely old thesaurus but when I got it home, all the pages were blank.

        I have no words to describe how angry I am.
        Please support Milford Hospice. Click here to donate.

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              The top 10 jokes from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2018

              1. “Working at the Job Centre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day” – Adam Rowe

              2. “I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring” – Leo Kearse

              3. “I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed” – Olaf Falafel

              4. “In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me” – Daniel Audritt

              5. “What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?” – Flo and Joan

              6. “I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts” – Darren Walsh

              7. “Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project” – Justin Moorhouse

              8= “I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it” – Adele Cliff

              8= “Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?” – Alex Edelman

              10. “I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time” – Laura Lexx
              "There are a lot of points that we’ve left behind and this is with a young group. That probably tells you what they’re capable of and that they’re a very good side.

              Probably next year or the year after next they will take some stopping"

              Anthony Foley, May 2016. Axel RIP

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                  Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

                  The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

                  The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

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                      Terry McAdam of the Tyrone Brigade of the IRA dies and goes up to heaven. He's standing at the gates and St Peter comes out: "Who are you?" asks St Peter. "I'm Terry McAdam of the Tyrone Brigade of the IRA". "Wha!! the ffff!!, get the hell out of here, we don't want murdering terrorists in heaven!!" shouts St Peter. "No, I don't want to come in" say Terry. "This is a bomb warning. You've 10 mins to clear the place out"

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                        He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

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                          I bought the other half a smart car. It won't let her in.
                          Excellence is hard to keep quite - Sherrie Coale

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                            Man is getting dressed after a prostrate examination and the doctor leaves. A nurse comes in and utters the 3 words no man wants to hear


                            "Who was that??"
                            Excellence is hard to keep quite - Sherrie Coale

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