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Letter of complaint to NTL

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    Letter of complaint to NTL

    Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.
    Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint
    letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)
    Dear Cretins,
    I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

    My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

    I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
    although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

    I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, nd most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile o your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

    I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

    Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
    care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

    I thought BT were s**t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
    shower of b*****ds you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

    British Telecom - w**kers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my
    Hi sham, gimme 2 pints of carling, a bottle of bud, and a vodka and orange for the burd

    P.S. I love you
    "Some people don't know their easy lives... I wouldn't be so ungrateful" - Fiacre Ryan - #AutismAndMe


      Wonder if balla boy composed that when I remember his rant on mobile phones I detect a pattern here[img]smileys/wink.gif[/img]
      Excellence is hard to keep quite - Sherrie Coale


        I have to say that every thing he says is true. They are absolutely useless



          I thought they got off lightly in that letter to be honest[img]smileys/confused.gif[/img]
          \"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, \'Relax, you\'re not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients\', but the another kept reminding me, \' you are a veterinarian!\'\"


            Reminds me of my dealings with Perlico and my feelings for them after the way they messed me about when I switched over to them. If you're thinking of falling for all the fancy ads they're running on TV at present...don't.
            The early bird catches the worm but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.


              The man has obvious style
              Is it only a game?
              And its Thomond Park NOT Thomond


                wonderful piece of prose! Brightened up my day! [img]smileys/biggrin.gif[/img]
                To see the light one must first realise it is dark



                  When we returned to ireland we had to cancel our ntl in the uk.They said some one would collect the box. Needless to say no one ever collected them.

                  But they aren't much better on this side of the water either.We signed up to their broadband and digital tv. The digital svc over is is the same as the bog standard one in england but for the extra money. After 2 years of a .ie e-mail address they informed us that all .com e-mails would be lost. Needless to say we lost ours and it took 3 weeks to get a new one. Great i thought only to find that they changed our outgoing but not the incoming. So we were getting really p***ed when nobody was replying to our mails. It took our own detective work to detect this error and then it took 4 days for an engineer tocall and sort it out.[img]smileys/thumb-down.gif[/img]

                  Why don't we swop, well better the devil you know