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Ben Tune on his depression and suicide attempt

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  • Harry
    replied
    Excellent read:

    Column: I thought I was just trying to beat depression in a one-off fight


    Cavan GAA player Alan O’Mara shares his personal experience of living with depression.



    Alan O'Mara


    Alan O’Mara is a successful GAA player. He was the Cavan goalkeeper during the 2011 U21 campaign – the team won the Ulster Championship and reached the All-Ireland final – and is currently on the county’s senior football panel. Yesterday, he published an article on the GAA’s website entitled Living with Depression: A Footballer’s Story. It is reproduced here, in full, with his kind permission. The 22-year-old says he penned his personal story to encourage others going through a similar nightmare to reach out and ask for support.


    I AM AN Ulster champion. I am an Ulster champion, I tell myself again. I know I should be confident.


    http://www.thejournal.ie/readme/alan...26342-May2013/

    Leave a comment:


  • SecondRowGal
    replied
    I would also like to say that if anyone wants to respond anonymously to any of the posters here please feel free to PM the mod that put up the original post and we will be happy to pass on your response to the poster anonymously also.

    It's really great that this thread is helping people to take that one step that can change their lives for the better. It's a fantastic community that we have here, and I, for one, really appreciate it.

    Leave a comment:


  • SecondRowGal
    replied
    Via PM, from someone who would like to remain anonymous. Thanks again to you all for sharing your experiences with us.

    I have taken the liberty of just adding paragraphs to make it easier to read, which the original poster doesn't mind:

    "Hi SRG, (unfortunately my laptop "enter" function doesn't appear to work on this site so apologies for the lack of paragraphs!!).

    I going to take you up on your offer of the chance of anonymity on this thread for the simple reason that there is one poster here who I know very well, other than that I would have no issue with contributing directly to the thread. All my life I have had bouts of what I thought was moodiness (everybody else continues to think that way) but in the recent past I have learned that it is in fact my head going to very dark places. This moodiness turned serious when I was just 21 due to my closest friend taking his own life utterly out of the blue. It was an experience that has changed my life forever and now almost 14 years on is still having an affect on me.

    Over the last 2/3 years I was managing to keep these moods at bay relatively easy but recently they have returned with a bloody bang and it has shocked me with the power of them. On the outside I have absolutely no reason for this, I have a very strong little business going for myself, I'm married to a beautiful woman with 3 children to die for but as I have found out it is not all about what you have in your life. I don't know if I'm predisposed or the tragic death of my friend brought all this screaming to the fore but I do know that it is bloody hard to deal with.

    I suppose I'm lucky in that these dark episodes last for only a few days at a time and if it happens during the week can be covered up quite easily as due to my work I don't spend too much time in any one place during the week so my interaction with people is very short. However, as has happened the last few times, if it is at the weekends it is just a nightmare and I'm a nightmare to be around. I have noticed my wife asking a few probing questions recently and I think she is starting to figure out that there is more to it than me being in foul humour. I know this sounds ridiculous but I really don't want her to be burdened with worry for me. She does worry about my lack of emotion at times but as I tell her I've loads of feelings - tired, hungry and horny!! Even just writing this makes me think that I have no justifiable reason for being this way but I really don't think it is up to me, I don't want to feel like this when I do.

    But like I said this passes within a few days each time, so many people carry this every day. I'm not a danger to myself, I might have been 13/14 years ago but not anymore, but I am hard to live with at times and I do annoy myself even at times! Thanks for this thread and the chance to verbalise (in type anyway!) what I have never spoken to another soul about.
    "

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Thread of the year. Brave words Buceph and fair play to you.

    The amount of young people that have taken their lives is increasing to epidemic numbers. No jobs, drinking all day and no routine is a terrible mix. There's help out there for everyone you just need to talk to someone. Loads of ways to do this anonymously if you chose;

    http://www.nsrf.ie/cms/?q=node/33

    Leave a comment:


  • Burgers
    replied
    Buceph and I have shared PM over the past months on this subject, have to say he has always been very supportive, Been through these issues myself for a few years now and continue to live with it each and every day, medication works , but I am a stubborn bollix so at times decide, stuff this medication lark and it hurts like hell afterwards..

    Many of you know me and have socialised with me , some know of my situation , others don't. I still try to be the same Jokey person as always, to the outside I am positive and the inside, I regularly beat myself up.

    I recently remarked to a friend in a phonecall- when asked If I was heading out that evening- I simply said- ah , I'm in two minds about it- instantly I pissed myself laughing,having copped what I said.

    As the Rangers fans once sang- there's only 2 Andy Gorams....... Well, there's 2 of me and guess what, I think both are brilliant because they make me the Man I am, sometimes an Ass, sometimes a happy go lucky guy. but that's me.

    Leave a comment:


  • SecondRowGal
    replied
    Via PM, from someone who would like to remain anonymous. Thank you for sharing!

    "Thanks Buceph and everyone for posting.

    In terms of suffering from depression I would say that I am a sufferer. I sure as hell have had some very low moments where I thought things would never look up for me. I lost everything, and I mean everything, at one stage in my life and the trauma and loneliness of it all nearly killed me. I lost my family, my home, my friends, my work, my job, my self-esteem, my car, you name I lost it. And all of it was lost in the blink of an eye. I used all sorts of things as anaesthetics because I didn't want to be in the moment, I wanted out of the moment. As a result I became an addict. As a result I ended up being 10 feet away from driving into a river and nearly ending it. The only thing that saved me was a garda knocking on the window of the car.

    What I have learned to my cost is that if I don't look after the spiritual side of things first I won't get anywhere. I can try and be mentally well, and physically well, but if the soul is not looked after first the other two won't get better.

    The big issue for me was that while I was suffering I didn't know that I was suffering from. I has no idea that I was sick, had no idea what the problem was, had no idea what the solution was and had nobody to talk to about it. Today I know what the problem is, I know what the solution is but also know that at any given moment my head will tell me one thing and wrap it up very nicely into something very appealing and I could be back to where I started within five minutes. This is what addiction is and it really has a best friend in depression. I have to look after myself but find early recovery very difficult, it's a bit like being stuck in the middle of a bog and seeing the nice field on the other side, sometimes you feel you will never get to the other side but you know it is there if you want it. I had to get up off the pissing pot and take responsibility for myself and my life and as a result I found the help I needed. I had to forgive and forget but I also didn't close the door on the past as that is where the learing is for me. Sometimes I take a step backwards, but my attitude is that if I take two step forwards and one step backwards then at least I am making progress.

    I can either stay very still, go backwards or go forwards with my life. I choose to move forward. I have to change or I will die, that is a certainty, one way or the other, in whatever form it takes.

    What kills me most of all is the absolute certaintly that if if I don't look after myself it effects everyone in my life. The only way I can describe it is it like someone unclicks the "love" button for you, the way you love and feel for someone or something is removed just like that, and you are incapable of showing feeling like you used to, you become numb. Even the greatest things to happen just pass by and you can't enjoy the moment. But living in the moment, not worrying about things that haven't happened yet makes the world of a difference, and being honest and having honesty in my life is huge for me. That's not to say I was a dishonest person before, its more about being honest with me and how I feel, and how I treat other people.

    Today I have everything I once lost back in my life and I am truely grateful, but the biggest issue for me now is acceptance around dealing with a problem for the rest of my life that there is no cure for. What I find hard is I can isolate myself and there are some certain warnings signs in myself I have learned to cope with.

    Nobody gets up some day and says "you know what, today I am going take steps to ruin my life, and ruin everybody and everything I love". Mental illness and addiction are truely frightening in what they can destroy in a very short space of time, and imagine the countless numbers of people out there who don't even know they suffer from it.

    Mental illness is the only illness in the world that will tell you that you don't have it. Think about that for a second.

    Why did I write this? To be brutally honest I hope someone can identify with something I wrote and if it makes a small bit of difference for the better in their life then that's very good."

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  • Hakaman
    replied
    Thanks Buceph for sharing those honest experiences of depression. It's a condition that is completely alien to me, before I started to appreciate the deeper causes and implications of depression I was one of those incredibly annoying know-it-all's who'd probably say to you to "Snap out of it for Jaysus sake, what have you got to be depressed about ... blah blah blah" so this has been an education for the better all round.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I found that study about links betwween social relationships and depression.
    Looks interesting.

    http://www.plosone.org/article/info%...l.pone.0062396

    Leave a comment:


  • LuckyDucker
    replied
    Originally posted by James Lynch View Post
    I recommend this article/blogpost as a way to better understand depression. This girl is witty, intelligent & beyond all else very honest about her experiences.

    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ie/

    I recommend people read it and share it with others. Depression is something that needs to be discussed in a more open forum these days.
    Thanks for adding that James. I used to follow Allie's web comic/blog but she hadn't posted anything in a while. This is her previous piece on depression. Great to see she's still around and was able to share that latest post.

    (If her illustrations look familiar, it may be from this snowclone)

    Leave a comment:


  • mr chips
    replied
    Got a PM for this thread.

    "Hi mr chips
    I would really appreciate if you could post this in the thread on Ben Tune on his depression on my behalf
    Mental Health is so misunderstood in this country, too often people have went to their doctors been diagnosed as depressed, suffering from the "black dog", when they have not and instead have been suffering from low self esteem and anxiety.
    There is incredible misbeliefs about mental health In this country.
    I am an anxiety sufferer. I have low self esteem and it has affected many area's of my life from education to social life. I am lucky that I was strong enough and my family were totally behind me and I have went and got the help I needed. Too many others in the country have not been as brave and are still suffering.
    Too often people go to some medical professional and are classed as depressed when probably they are suffering from anxiety or another mental illness.
    Anxiety, depression are so common in this country but too many people are scared to talk up and get the help that will help them reach their full potential in life."

    Leave a comment:


  • fitzy73
    replied
    Originally posted by Buceph View Post
    I can understand that Fitzy. I think if you are the person others turn to you're a pretty special person although certainly not in an enviable position. I know it wears anyone down to be in that situation, especially when there's not much you can do bar help someone get to a doctor and listen. And all of that can be horrendously taxing. Hopefully as there's more realisation about this stuff the burden of being the person turned to gets shared around more.

    I don't think I can offer advice to you, if you're that person for others you're already well qualified in what you're doing. I can't really offer advice to myself beyond learning from experience. For anyone else wondering about this kind of thing what I would say is you can't solve someone's depression. You're not going to cure it. All you can really do is put a damp cloth on their forehead while the trained experts deal with it. You can offer advice on life and circumstances but to someone in a depressive state they've been through all that in their head already and the depression makes it seems impossible. Depressed people deal in absolutes, "I will never, I can't, this is impossible." . Some say you just have to listen but I don't think that's true either. The biggest tip I can offer is knowing when to tell someone to stop working themselves up and for the moment sitting in an armchair and half-watching some stupid film on TV is what's best for them. And then just sit watching the film in the same room as them.
    Sometimes you don't get a choice - when family are involved you will look out for them no matter what. I've done a few courses in London which help, but its only scratching the surface really.

    Ireland is like a 2nd world country when it comes to supporting people with mental health issues. I can't tell you how often I've banged my head against a brick wall trying to deal with the HSE. Simple things like clinical pathways are alien concepts in the world of Irish mental health. You are basically pointed at some random counsellor and told to **** off. Obviously, the counsellors charge fees which aren't covered.

    I am hugely grateful that people like you are starting to speak up about it though. The less of a stigma there is, the more open people are about it and their experiences, the more pressure it puts on the govt to put a proper support structure in place.

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  • mr chips
    replied
    Good idea SRG, seconded.

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  • McCloud
    replied
    Great post Buceph thanks for shining a light into something or a situation that is rarely discussed.

    Leave a comment:


  • SecondRowGal
    replied
    Thanks for being so open about it all Buceph. It can be a hard thing to do, even with the relative anonymity of the internet.

    If anyone wants to share experiences but is reticent about doing so for fear of being "outted", please feel free to send me a PM and I will post for you anonymously or speak to the other mods about setting you up with a second ID for this thread only. I think it's fair to say that we can bend those pesky rules in this instance!

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! :5_seconds_hug_by_ba

    Leave a comment:


  • Buceph
    replied
    I can understand that Fitzy. I think if you are the person others turn to you're a pretty special person although certainly not in an enviable position. I know it wears anyone down to be in that situation, especially when there's not much you can do bar help someone get to a doctor and listen. And all of that can be horrendously taxing. Hopefully as there's more realisation about this stuff the burden of being the person turned to gets shared around more.

    I don't think I can offer advice to you, if you're that person for others you're already well qualified in what you're doing. I can't really offer advice to myself beyond learning from experience. For anyone else wondering about this kind of thing what I would say is you can't solve someone's depression. You're not going to cure it. All you can really do is put a damp cloth on their forehead while the trained experts deal with it. You can offer advice on life and circumstances but to someone in a depressive state they've been through all that in their head already and the depression makes it seems impossible. Depressed people deal in absolutes, "I will never, I can't, this is impossible." . Some say you just have to listen but I don't think that's true either. The biggest tip I can offer is knowing when to tell someone to stop working themselves up and for the moment sitting in an armchair and half-watching some stupid film on TV is what's best for them. And then just sit watching the film in the same room as them.

    Leave a comment:

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