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Letter from Bertie to Old Dog

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    Letter from Bertie to Old Dog



    Mr. Bertie Ahern T.D.

    Dáil Éireann
    Dublin 2









    21st September 2011






    Dear Old Dog,

    I wud like to tank you sincerely for your kind donation towards my Mahon expenses-de bastards have me bled dry as you well know. Dough, I wud have tought dat you might be good for more dan a fiver I appreciate it all de same, as I know dat times are hard due to de excesses of the bankers and de builders, a right shower of bleedin’ wasters if ever dere was wan. I trust you won’t require a receipt and dis is just as well as I tink I left de receipt book in the bookies on me way to de Mahon yesterday.

    I have great time for de grassroot supporters despite what de meeja says and you too are very fond of de grassroots, judging by de fine specimen of an insect you sent me enclosed wit de fiver.


    Unfortunately, we are not allowed to accept pets as gifts as one never knows where dey might have come from, or been. I know of a case recently where someone was sent an insect that had been recently attached to de top of the sender's knob. De insect was fierce horny as a result and poor oul’ Mary would have been raped only for the quick tinkin of her husband who fired wan of Mary’s knickers at de wud be rapist and it was killed instantly by de fumes.

    However, I know you wud never do such a thing Old Dog as you have long been an ardent supporter of mine but I appreciate de tought. De Tick you kindly sent me was in a bit of a state by de time I got de post so I took it to de vet down de road, in de state car, as it was an emergency. (De bill will be in de post). De vet did a scan on de insect and said dat de tick had a dangerously high level of alcohol in its system and dat whoever it had fed off recently was most likely to be an alcoholic retired civil servant - it’s amazing what dey can do nowadays wit dese gadgets.

    He admitted it to John of Gods to be dried out. I gave dem your address so dat dey’d know where to send de bill. I told dem to sock it on as I know you’ve a fine fat pension- not as much as mine but den you were never Taoiseach of course.

    In de meantime, I hope all is well in de Sheeps Head – a great spot for old goats too I hear, ha, ha, ha. You have to have a sense of humour in dese dark times brought on by the greed of de people – I know of someone wit five houses.

    Yours as ever,

    Bertie.
    Last edited by dipstick; 22nd-September-2011, 20:57.

    #2
    :)
    Excellence is hard to keep quite - Sherrie Coale

    Comment


      #3
      :D
      He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

      Comment


        #4
        Dipstick - ever thought of doing a blog ?

        Comment


          #5
          I heard every stuttering word of that bollix in the letter!:D
          Tic-Toc. POC and DOC. Stop the clock.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Boo-boo View Post
            I heard every stuttering word of that bollix in the letter!:D
            :( Your crewel wurds have cut me to the bone.


            (Don't ask which bone).
            New infraction avoidance policy: a post may be described as imbecilic, but its author should never be described as an imbecile.

            Comment


              #7
              Please support Milford Hospice. Click here to donate.

              Comment


                #8
                Not sure of a blog Red but who knows? I'm probably more of a blogger than a poster I suppose. A ball scratcher perhaps.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Boo-boo View Post
                  I heard every stuttering word of that bollix in the letter!:D
                  You heard! I had the misfortune of also visualising the moron uttering the nonsense to some overpaid and underworked secretary.
                  Life is good

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Savage stuff. I used to print off your posts for me ould fella. :D
                    My computer thinks I'm gay
                    What's the difference anyway
                    When all the people do all day
                    Is stare into a phone

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Good to see that Bertie is saving tax payers money by still using the Leinster House paper:D
                      Excellence is hard to keep quite - Sherrie Coale

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by sewa View Post
                        Savage stuff. I used to print off your posts for me ould fella. :D
                        I hope he enjoyed some of them Sewa.

                        Comment

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