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Dipsticks 7 Tips for defeating the AB’s

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    Dipsticks 7 Tips for defeating the AB’s



    We'll start at the beginning which is always a good place to start:


    1. Much earlier exposure of our youth to rugby from birth onwards, even earlier if possible. For example during coitus the man could sing loudly and passionately "Stand Up and Fight" which would be appropriate given the circumstances anyway. Breast feeding would be mandatory with perhaps a bit of creatine supplementation and mother could coo 'The Fields of Athenry' into her future little prop forward's cauliflower ear (caused by vigorous rubbing from birth onwards). When the young lad is able to crawl he should be put into a playpen with several other budding internationals and learn the rudiments of cleaning out a ruck, biting and gouging etc. As soon as can wear a boot he should be taught the basics of kicking. It doesn't have to be a ball. Anything or anyone will do. And so on.


    2. Ban other sports. I mean the GAA were able to do itfor years.If necessary instal someone sensible like Franno as Taoiseach who wouldn't be long drafting a piece of suitable legislation. It might stop the GAA lads from exterminating each other too and serve a dual purpose. It would also put to bed the International Rules fiasco.


    3. Develop a dour morose and arrogant personality like the Kiwis. It obviously works. Van Morrison could be drafted in as squad advisor.


    4. Comb the islands for big rawboned men. The Kiwis have been doing it for years. Have you ever wondered why the Pacific Islanders are so big. The reason is simple. Their forefathers were cannibals and theyhad a ready supply of high protein available to them because of this.A typical conversation in Samoa at the turn of the century might have been like this " Would you like to come around to dinner tonight. We're having my mother-in-law" "But I thought you ate your mother-in-law last week?" "Well I have 3 wives you know" " Well that's great. I'll be there. We're having my mother-in-law for Christmas dinner this year. Very understanding she was when I asked her if she wouldn't mind. She said she might as well do it this year as she wouldn't be able to make it next year."


    It's also rumoured that Sean Boylan discovered a nest of cannibalsin an unmapped island off the North West coast of Donegal which he eventually moulded into the Meath football team. So send out the scouts.


    5. A new kit is mandatory. I suggest an all pink outfit. I know Stade have a pink strip but it's not completely pink. Everything should be pink, shoes, tights(no socks), togs and jersey. Also as a final flourish all the squad should dye their hair pink and wear pink lipstick. When facing the Haka, the players should look suggestively at their opposite number with arms akimbo. At the end of the haka each player should mince forward and kiss his opposite number full on the lips. I tell you these AB's will be too busy trying to keep out of your way when the match starts. Also there won't be any Kiwi sticking his body in on the wrong side of a ruck. As we'ld say down here "they will in their arse"In fact, their arse is the last piece of their anatomy that will proffered.


    6. Present training techniques should be stopped. Back to basics like the Kiwis. You remember the saying "when men were men and sheep were nervous'. Each player should be able to carry 3 sheep, one under each arm and one in front up the side of a mountain in 10 secs flat. It bloody well works for the Kiwis. and we have plenty of sheep in Ireland. Why is Bertie still Taoiseach?


    7. Finally if all else fails do what the Yanks do and have World Series between themselves. Each province could play each other and the winner would be the holder of the World Cup. Who needs the Kiwis anyway? And Australia is a continent so how come they can get away with it?






    #2
    Sounds possible. I recently found out the de yanks aren't that stupid, narrow minded xenophobes but that the "World series" is names aftet a newspaper which sponsored the early running of the competition.
    Census day, 23 April 2006, when men stood up and were counted

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      #3


      Originally posted by Red in the Pale
      Sounds possible. I recently found out the de yanks aren't that stupid, narrow minded xenophobes but that the "World series" is names aftet a newspaper which sponsored the early running of the competition.

      Refer back to earlier opinion . .


      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History...dern_World_Ser ies#Explanation_of_the_term_World_Series

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