Online Bullying

[JoeyFantastic]

(CNN) -- Her YouTube video started out innocently enough. The Canadian teen, her face obscured from the camera, held a stack of cards each filled with messages in black marker.
"I've decided to tell you about my never ending story," the card in Amanda Todd's hands read.
At this point the viewer may have no idea that they are about to be led on the most agonizing journey, one that pushed the premier of British Columbia to issue a stern warning against bullying, a journey that has birthed a Facebook page with thousands of people commenting many offering condolences.
In the soundless, black and white video, the teen showed one card after another. Each card painfully sinking the viewer deeper into the anguish too many teens have experienced.
"In 7th grade I would go with friends on webcam," the card in the teen's hand read.
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The next few cards reveal that the teen began to get attention on the Internet from people that she did not know. People who told her she was beautiful, stunning, perfect.
"They wanted me to flash. So I did one year later," the cards said.
The teen then got a message on Facebook from a stranger who said she needed to show more of herself or he would publish the topless pictures he had taken of her.
"He knew my address, school, relatives, friends, family, names ..."
Video: Teen bullied during anti-bullying interview
On Christmas break, the police came to her home to tell her that photos of her were sent to "everyone."
She pushed the next card very close to the camera.
"I then got really sick anxiety major depression and panic disorder. I then moved and got into alcohol and drugs."
She says she struggled with anxiety, rarely went out for a year. And then the same man appeared again with a Facebook page that displayed her topless as his profile picture.
"Cried every night, lost all my friends and respect people had for me ... again ..."
She was teased and felt as if she could never erase that photo. She started cutting,a form of self-injuring act that psychologists say is an impulse-control behavior that sometimes accompanies a variety of mental illnesses.
At school, she ate lunch alone until she moved to another new school.
"Everything was better even though I sat still alone," the next card read. "After a month later I started talking to an old guy friend."
LZ Granderson: Being bullied is hell, but life gets better
She thought the guy liked her even though she knew he had a girlfriend. One day he asked her to come over because his girlfriend was on vacation.
"So I did ... huge mistake ... I thought he liked me," she held the cards in one shaky hand now, using the other to brush under her eye as if wiping away a tear.
A week later the guy's girlfriend showed up at her school with a posse of 15 others. A crowd gathered. The girlfriend berated her screaming that nobody liked her.
"A guy than (sic) yelled just punch her already ..."
She was punched. Thrown on the ground.
"I felt like a joke in this world I thought nobody deserves this," the next card reads. "Teachers ran over but I just went and layed in a ditch and my dad found me."
When she got home she drank bleach.
"It killed me inside and I thought I actually was going to die."
In a wired world, children unable to escape cyberbullying
She was rushed to a hospital to flush the chemical out of her.
She put the next card almost flush with camera so that the viewer can no longer see her and only sees "After I got home all I saw on Facebook- She deserved it and did you wash the mud out of your hair? I hope she is dead."
She moved in with her mother in another city, to another school. But her past followed her.
"6 months has gone by ... people are pasting pics of bleach, clorex (sic) and ditches ... Everyday I think why am I still here,"
Her struggles with anxiety and cutting had gotten worse and even despite counseling and antidepressants she still was rushed to hospital again after an overdose.
The last cards say simply: "I have nobody. I need someone. My name is Amanda Todd."
The video has garnered the attention of many including the premier of British Colombia, Christy Clark.
"No one deserves to be bullied. No one earns it. No one asks for it. It is not a rite of passage. Bullying has to stop. Every child has to feel safe at school," Clark said in a You Tube video posted Thursday.
On Wednesday, Amanda Todd's body was found in her home, police in the Vancouver-area city of Coquitlam said. She took her own life.
She was 15.
Stop bullying: Speak Up

[JoeyFantastic]

I know it's mentioned elsewhere but not sure if it has a thread of it's own. Poor, poor girl.

[Waterfordlad]

Terrible story. The poor girl

[Evil Omer]

My biggest question would be who the hell has been advising her about life that she's making such truly dumb decisions that are opening her up to this world of abuse. My daughter told us she got requests from a couple of previous school friends to send them dirty pictures on line. Quite rightly she ignored them - we told her if they continued then she has a choice, ignore it, treat it as a joke (just post a picture of a puddle of mud) but come to us if it's at a level where it's not possible to laugh it off. (Luckily for the idiot concerned he dropped it, consequences would have been dire for him had he not). The one thing she had the sense and advice to grasp not to do was ****ing flash on line to people!!! We had always made it clear to her there are consequences to your actions etc. We had always made damn sure we're linked onto her facebook page and can see exactly what is on there. She's been told off when we're not happy with what she's put. She gets the point that it's not a bit of harmless fun that's goes nowhere because she's been taught that. My question would be where was the advice and why was she even still allowed remotely near facebook with this ****e going on. How is moving home going to solve the problem if she's still involved with that place enough to know what's on there? It's sad that she couldn't go to someone with this when it first started - FFS when that blackmail happened someone should have been there to call the police in and get the scumbag visited by them. This is the problem, whilst teenagers think they know it all the only all they know is **** all and they need people there to guide them every bit as much as small children do. We do need to stop this "oh they grow up much faster than we did" nonsense for a start and realise they are still children.

[isola ciarrai]

Sounds a bit like that Pugsley girl case up in Sligo, and the Cork girl from a few years whose sister read her diary of bullying after her burial. Trolling should be a criminal offence and called what it is - assault by word. If a few of these lads and ladettes had this conviction on their permanent record for prospective employers to see, would halt a lot of it.
Maybe turn the web back on these trolls and have a wikileaks like site where cyberbullies can be named and shamed? If online bullying was a specific offence, surely ISPs could be compelled to reveal the identities behind the anonymous cruelty? Like that Sligo solicitor and that Dublin man lately did.

[Boo-boo]

Her memorial page has now been updated with abusive sick posts too. I hope the police can do something. If we stop them now perhaps they can stop the next school shoot out or death by bullying.

[RED 49]

Her memorial page has now been updated with abusive sick posts too. I hope the police can do something. If we stop them now perhaps they can stop the next school shoot out or death by bullying.

unfortunately you dont need to be looking to the states for episodes of this kind, internet bullying via facebook , twitter ask.fm etc is a huge problem in ireland. Kids have phones at a very early age , some in primary school, they are on facebook at as early an age as 10 and have garnered all these " friends" becaise they have got an invite from them, some of them kids they would have little in common with. Its scary really the amount of peer pressure that goes on.

[Boo-boo]

unfortunately you dont need to be looking to the states for episodes of this kind, internet bullying via facebook , twitter ask.fm etc is a huge problem in ireland. Kids have phones at a very early age , some in primary school, they are on facebook at as early an age as 10 and have garnered all these " friends" becaise they have got an invite from them, some of them kids they would have little in common with. Its scary really the amount of peer pressure that goes on.

Oh I know. Our 10 year old soon to be 11 has asked for a phone for a good while now but we have avoided it. We said 6th class when she is 12. We also then got asked for a facebook page. It said they had to be 13 and so we can step around that another while. Even with films we have stuck to the age certificates so they believe that it is the norm. As long as we can keep getting away with the better. We had a problem with a school bully and they had a bullying workshop in school. She came home and said that it was okay she no longer wanted a phone and she understood some of the reasons why we were against it.
I do not like facebook.

[Evil Omer]

Her memorial page has now been updated with abusive sick posts too. I hope the police can do something. If we stop them now perhaps they can stop the next school shoot out or death by bullying.

can I just refer everyone back to the troll gets comeuppance thread and point out THIS is why people need to be going to prison for this rubbish, because it won't stop until it becomes the norm to lock them up

[joeriddick]

I've worked with a few kids specifically due to bullying that they had experienced online through Facebook.

It's insidious. It never stops. And girls are the absolute worst for it, almost exclusively with other girls.

The first thing I recommended? DELETE FACEBOOK. It's useless. It recreates all the worst points about social interaction. One girl in particular was being email trolled with the most awful stuff by someone at her school - turned out it was her "best" friend.

Nobody under 18 should have a Facebook or any other online presence.

[sewa]

I disagree JR, our kids have facebook but its entirely supervised, no chat, no connecting to anyone who we dont know and trust, seems ok so far and the kids barely even use it anymore

[RED 49]

I disagree JR, our kids have facebook but its entirely supervised, no chat, no connecting to anyone who we dont know and trust, seems ok so far and the kids barely even use it anymore

hi when you say entirely supervised ,what do u mean? ,how do u do this,not being clever but how do you know they dont use chat? or can this be set up? .

[Evil Omer]

JR is spot on about girls though, it's no coincidence that it is largely girls suffering from this kind of bullying, girls can be utterly vicious in this way and the nature of facebook as practised today outright encourages it, everyone sees it as a throw away comment site when it is simply anything but that. I honestly feel it is one of the worst things ever to happen in the modern age because the use of it encourages the most base of our instincts to come to the fore.

[joeriddick]

I disagree JR, our kids have facebook but its entirely supervised, no chat, no connecting to anyone who we dont know and trust, seems ok so far and the kids barely even use it anymore

If it was to be done, then that's the best way but for the most part parents don't have time to monitor all social media.

I still don't see what need a preteen has for Facebook - it's just a recipe for disaster. All it takes is ONE incident (and that incident might seem insignificant) to set off an online bullying campaign with vitriol and hate like you wouldn't believe.

[joeriddick]

JR is spot on about girls though, it's no coincidence that it is largely girls suffering from this kind of bullying, girls can be utterly vicious in this way and the nature of facebook as practised today outright encourages it, everyone sees it as a throw away comment site when it is simply anything but that. I honestly feel it is one of the worst things ever to happen in the modern age because the use of it encourages the most base of our instincts to come to the fore.

It allows people to express things that they never would in person with all the impact to the victim as if they had said it in person. It encourages victimization, especially amongst girls where social exclusion and isolation is the primary means of everyday "bullying" most often seen. Facebook is an excellent tool to facilitate that.

With the young people I had, I always encouraged physically confronting the bully wherever possible (ignoring interpersonal bullying rarely makes it go away) but this is impossible on Facebook where so much bullying is now taking place. Bullies have three chief personality traits - fearful, socially anxious, constant need for negative re-enforcement through external demonstrations of power. In practice, this shows in girls by picking on one girl and focusing on her appearance, perceived promiscuity etc. The best way for the victim to remove this behavior is to physically confront the bully - nothing else works. Facebook is the perfect platform for bullies because it removes any immediate consequence and can be explained away by being "just words on a screen".

That's why it's unsuitable for the under 18's where bullying is endemic. It's just a matter of time before children either bully or get bullied.

[Aoifs]

FB is horrible and I hate it. I know from speaking to people and my own experience how sad and pathetic people can be on it. Comments can be posted without thought, and without any moderation and then they are stuck therefore. Some trolls set up multiple accounts and their true identity is therefore hard to find. I decided to delete my FB because it is a load of ****e, and I had some hassle on it. I don't think anyone under the age of 18 should be on it.

However in saying that there is a tremendous amount of pressure on young people to be on FB and to have loads of friends on the site, and to post endless photos on there. Young girls especially would spend hours over deciding what picture to have as their profile pic, and live for the comments they will receive when they post it. People are on the end of horrible messages and comments on a daily basis and refuse to delete their FB, because they are worried of the reaction they will get if they leave the site.
I deleted mine over a year ago and would never go back on it, it is just not for me. I understand people use it to stay in touch but if you have been on the end of a cyber bullying campaign like I had you would understand. It is really annoying when i get asked to log back or why I dont like it, as I have to go into a long explanation about it.
However to anyone out there who is been bullied and happens to read this I would recommend to hit that delete button, and if you want to stay in touch use a pen and paper or text instead. Don't feel you have to be on it to be part of the crowd.

[Evil Omer]

Spot on Aoifs, why that isn't one of the first things recommended for dealing with bullies on it I just don't get. The thing is it's not like an over-reaction to say how evil an attachment to life it is. People are dead because of how it has been used.

I still have my account but I've ignored friend requests, dropped off things, made no effort to chase up and friend request every person I've ever known. I seem to be old fashioned in thinking a friend is just that, a friend, not someone I once had to go to school or work with or met in a pub once as a friend of a friend of a friend. Sadly most teenagers aren't strong enough to treat it that way.

[Aoifs]

Spot on Aoifs, why that isn't one of the first things recommended for dealing with bullies on it I just don't get. The thing is it's not like an over-reaction to say how evil an attachment to life it is. People are dead because of how it has been used.

I still have my account but I've ignored friend requests, dropped off things, made no effort to chase up and friend request every person I've ever known. I seem to be old fashioned in thinking a friend is just that, a friend, not someone I once had to go to school or work with or met in a pub once as a friend of a friend of a friend. Sadly most teenagers aren't strong enough to treat it that way.

That is the thing, it takes balls to get rid of it. At first some people were like OMG you are not of FB and made me feel like a leper. But I would rather be a leper than a sheep!!! I just think people need to speak out more against it and schools and colleges should block fb from there sites. Imagine the difference it would make it college dorms in the US of A blocked FB from their firewall? It would be brilliant. Also Mark Zuchenburg needs to grow a pair of balls and start to monitor facebook properly. Teenagers need to realise the pain that cyber bulling causes, but i think that would be hard to do. I think that anyone who cyber bullied should be prosecuted as they are horrible vile creatures who hide behind tonnes of make up tan and their laptops...

[Evil Omer]

totally agree, they need to be made to monitor it better and high schools should block it - most decent work places block it.

A relative of my wife is currently living her underage daughter's pregnancy and marriage break up through facebook. I really just don't get it, why would someone do that? Then my brother in law rants on it frequently with all sorts of stuff that really should be staying in his head. If there weren't a few people I have no other way of contacting I'd be off it as well.

[Aoifs]

totally agree, they need to be made to monitor it better and high schools should block it - most decent work places block it.

A relative of my wife is currently living her underage daughter's pregnancy and marriage break up through facebook. I really just don't get it, why would someone do that? Then my brother in law rants on it frequently with all sorts of stuff that really should be staying in his head. If there weren't a few people I have no other way of contacting I'd be off it as well.

I just made more use of skpye and emails. it is so handy. I also asked my friends not to put up pics of me on FB. FB reminds me of the Daily Mail. Desperate attention seeking headlines/statuses, picture perfect poses both on the DM some insenstive comments check for both of them. I really wish people would get of FB and realise who horrible it can be.

[fitzy73]

Jebus.

http://www.independent.ie/national-n...3-3277171.html

[huron]

hi when you say entirely supervised ,what do u mean? ,how do u do this,not being clever but how do you know they dont use chat? or can this be set up? .

What we did (and it wasn't ideal) is that up to the age where she was entitled to a modicum of privacy; We ONLY allowed Internet access when we were in the room and the screen was turned towards us. I could have set up content filtering, via a transparent proxy. But the only thing I ever did like that was OpenDNS pron / violence filtering.
We just made it VERY clear that we were on her side and that if there was ANYTHING that EVER made her IN ANY WAY uncomfortable she should tell us or another trusted family member. I think it was about fifteen then that she got proper privacy. But even then the laptop / pc was only allowable on the Internet if we were in the same room. And we would not ever look at her screen unless she invited us.
We trusted her, but with a safety net.
Now she's eighteen, God alone knows what she's up to. I shudder when I remember what I was like at eighteen

[RED 49]

rte 1 tonight at 10:15 , 3 part series called bullyproof with clinical psychoogist .

[Waterfordlad]

Recent case in Holland where Tim's parents published his suicide note (from today's Irish Times):

Dutch parents publish son's suicide note

Wed, Nov 07, 2012

The parents of a 20-year-old student who died by suicide last week because he had been bullied persistently over a period of years have shocked the Netherlands by publishing their son’s suicide note in a local newspaper along with his death notice.
The note which is accompanied by a large smiling picture of Tim Ribberink who was training to become a history teacher, reads: “Dear Mum and Dad, All my life I have been ridiculed, abused, bullied and excluded. You guys are fantastic. I hope you’re not angry. Until we meet again, Tim.”
Tim’s parents Gerrit and Hetty Ribberink, who say they were unaware until his suicide on Thursday that anything was amiss, have asked police to investigate his death – and in particular two fake messages posted online in his name which they hope will help identify the bullies.
The first of the two messages dates from 2010 when Tim was a second-level student. The second appeared online last summer and stated: “I am a loser and a homo.”
In the Ribberinks’ home village of Tilligte, east of Amsterdam, near the German border, a tearful farewell was held in the Catholic church last night. It was attended by hundreds of friends and wellwishers stunned by his death and angry at what led to it.
Earlier, local pastor Marinus van den Berg read a brief message from Tim’s parents. “Tim was not weak or pathetic,” they said. “He was strong. That is how we knew him, and that is how he would want the world to remember him.”
They added: “Tim was a history student, and that is why we quote Winston Churchill on his behalf to other people who are being bullied: ‘Never, never, never give up’.”
Like Tim’s parents, his teacher training collage in Windesheim, where he was a second-year student, said it had had no suspicion of any bullying.
“He was doing well here. He fitted in and we know his parents thought so as well.”
His former secondary school said the same thing.
“He was a nice boy who never seemed to have any problems.”
Only Henk and Martina Knol, who run the ice-cream parlour where Tim sometimes worked, said they noticed he had lost weight and become pale.
“The girls used to ask him if he was gay but he’d make a joke of it. If he was gay, he didn’t want anyone to know about it.”
The publication of the suicide note has generated a huge reaction on Twitter and other social media with the majority of posts supporting his parents’ decision to make his story public and calling for tougher legislation to deal with bullying.
A few said his parents should have been more aware of his plight.
“Hopefully this is a wake-up call and more attention will be paid to bullying at last,” read one message.
“Yes, this is shocking, and it should be”, said another.
“Tell your friends and your children, bullying is hell. It should never be allowed to happen.”
Tim’s photograph was shared more than 5,000 times within hours of the story emerging of his death
And the hashtag, #timribberink, has been a trending topic in the Netherlands

[joeriddick]

Suggestions that this tragedy is the latest victim of bullying.

http://www.independent.ie/national-n...4.html?start=3

All the coverage of these events is beginning to become problematic in and of itself. It may actually be dangerous for other children in a similarly vulnerable position. Something has to be done on a country wide level immediately.

[McCloud]

Suggestions that this tragedy is the latest victim of bullying.

http://www.independent.ie/national-n...4.html?start=3

All the coverage of these events is beginning to become problematic in and of itself. It may actually be dangerous for other children in a similarly vulnerable position. Something has to be done on a country wide level immediately.

Was reading about that earlier. Tragic so tragic.

[joeriddick]

Was reading about that earlier. Tragic so tragic.

It's an epidemic in Ireland based on some of the work I've done since I've been back. It's everywhere.

All ages. All genders. And some of the stuff I've seen with my own eyes over text, email and PM on Facebook is astounding. Frightening almost, when you remember that this is kids talking to other kids.

[FORWARD....]

Suggestions that this tragedy is the latest victim of bullying.

http://www.independent.ie/national-n...4.html?start=3

All the coverage of these events is beginning to become problematic in and of itself. It may actually be dangerous for other children in a similarly vulnerable position. Something has to be done on a country wide level immediately.

What are the solutions? I have spoken with my two older teenagers. They don't want a parent as a friend on their facebook page but I've said that if I ever found them being mean to anyone else, they would be off the computer in a jiffy. I never think of them being bullied but who knows...
Should someone get adminisdrator or supervison or moderator rights on these threads and look for warning signs. A few of the young teenage girls gave warnings-can't the kids or a moderator or some sort of automated 'keyword' watch report that , at least?

And the coverage-scary for those being bullied and empowering for those doing the bullying. What would you suggest?

[joeriddick]

What are the solutions? I have spoken with my two older teenagers. They don't want a parent as a friend on their facebook page but I've said that if I ever found them being mean to anyone else, they would be off the computer in a jiffy. I never think of them being bullied but who knows...
Should someone get adminisdrator or supervison or moderator rights on these threads and look for warning signs. A few of the young teenage girls gave warnings-can't the kids or a moderator or some sort of automated 'keyword' watch report that , at least?

And the coverage-scary for those being bullied and empowering for those doing the bullying. What would you suggest?

The coverage moves children towards suicide. Look at the articles, they're the bullied child's dream - glowing tributes from family and friends, national attention on your plight, vilification for the bullies and, most importantly of all, an end to the torture.

All the recrimination we see after the suicide should be taking place BEFORE the suicide.

Children need to be empowered, mentally and physically. My biggest thing is this with the kids I've had; physical training, self defence and conditioning for those that are being bullied that can do it. If you're being bullied the only way to stop the bullying during teenage years is to physically stand up for yourself. I'm talking about bashing these guys/girls on the jaw until they stop. It's the only way that works the majority of the time, possibly for the last 50,000 years. Parent / teacher intervention is a diluted solution that doesn't work in almost every case I've ever seen. In a lot of cases it's made things worse down the road.

A lot of my colleagues would go the talking route but usually the problem isn't with the kid being bullied that you're talking to - yes, they might be fat, they might be into geeky things, they might be no good at sports, they might be better looking than the insecure monster that gets all her friends to turn on her and call a slut on Facebook, they might be less attractive than the norm and suffer because of that but all that is meaningless - it's on the bully. Children need to be given permission to stand up for themselves. So many of the kids I've spoken too are terrified that if they kick the bullies ass (like most of them want to) then they'll "get in trouble" with the teachers and the Gardai.

A bully is someone that spots a weakness in others and exploits it verbally, socially and/or physically for personal gratification. They deserve no pity from the victim, their (usually over blown) "problems at home" are irrelevant and their behavior is abusive and should be stopped with physical means. It's the only thing they understand. I know because I've spoken to a few that bullied others around them. They don't care. They do it because they can. They do it because they're bored narcissists. And when you get a teacher to make them stop, they stop for a while and then continue once the teacher loses interest.

One girl I spoke to bullied everyone around her. Teachers, students, her parents. She was one of the smartest girls in class. She only stopped when the poor girl she tortured for two whole years in class, online and outside school flipped out and beat her senseless which is when she was sent to me. You know what the scary part was? She had an active campaign with three of her friends to see if she could make that girl kill herself. Extra points if she hung herself. EXTRA POINTS IF SHE HUNG HERSELF. Let that sink in. This monster (I use that term deliberately) was 16 years old.

She had no remorse. She only stopped because for the first time in her life, someone imposed their will on her in a way she couldn't retcon into her own narcissist's narrative.

So my advice if your kid is being bullied? Get them to a boxing class or a TKD class or a Krav Maga course. Keep them there. Don't let them quit. Once they're confident enough find the bully in school and kick the fu¢king sh!t out of them in front of everyone. Bullying OVER. If the bully tries to start again, kick the fu¢king sh!t out them again until they stop. Talking DOES NOT work with bullies. They will manipulate the teachers, their parents and you and the end result will be your kid still getting bullied.

[FORWARD....]

Wow. That was unexpected.