Things to cook when pissed

[fitzy73]

I am fortunate in that a) I rarely go out, not to mind get drunk anymore and b) I can't stomach anything to eat after a few pints.

Water, bed and that's me.

Rock n roll

[taz]

Baileys.

[No. 16]

The chips turned out A-ok so they did....Win!!

[bugler]

Is a chip pan not just any pan, but full of oil?

[No. 16]

Is a chip pan not just any pan, but full of oil?

Yes. Well more of a saucepan type pot. Normally with chipper basket. Careless people over fill them with oil, let them get too hot and ignite or introduce wet chips into them when too full and too hot causing boil over and ignition and or burns. It's not safe sober. It's much safer, when sober, to use a large pot and little oil and do smaller batches. I do it like a Chinaman in a big stable wok not too full at all and patiently do batches lifting them out with a "spider(web)" [Chinese wire mesh strainer with a bamboo handle]. OR really shallow and turned in a large fry pan. Problem with the "chip pan" technique is too much oil and too much chips in a pot that's too small and too much stupidity and or drunkenness and negligence and oil fire!

Even if i were to manage to set a small amount of oil on fire on the gas burners i wouldn't even need to open my fire blanket or make a mess with the fire extinguisher (both within 5 ft.) because i could calmly let it go an cover it with a lid or big damp towel because a) the flames wouldn't be that high b) there is no flamable material within flame's reach (all metal and tile not wood) c) i wouldn't be playing with oil on a burner if that wobbly drunk and d) i have lots and lots of professional kitchen experience dealing with oil at flash point.

The problem with them is, if not a case of pass out while on, panic and either throwing water on it or trying to run outside with it because a pot full of oil on fire throws some amazingly high flames!!!

If chips are that important to an amateur, with no experience with oil on fire, to cook at home, s/he should invest in a quality thermostat regulated electric deep fat fryer. End of. Valencia is right - far too many people loose the house / their skin / or their lives trying to use the stupid device known as "the chip pan".

[diarm]

myself and a buddy used cook 2 of those small carrolls lasagnes before we went out. then when we stumbled in the door full of drink we'd slap em in between two think pieces of bread and away we went!

that's ridiculous decision making while sober, in preparation for worse decision making while pishte!

another favourite was pizza bagels. cut em in half, spread with dolmio, bit of cheese and some oregano and bang em under the grill. cut those out after i tried doing them in the george foreman (i don't know?) one morning and left my hand inside for around 45 seconds. still have the scars.

the all time greatest eating while pissed comes in the days after christmas. good bread, philadelphia, turkey, ham, stuffing, cranberry sauce, cheese and onion tayto, another slice of bread - in that order... jaysus.

[No. 16]

This thread is pure insanity. As a student, I shared a house with a classmate and two girls that worked in the civil service. One Friday night my classmate and myself arrived back late to find the chip pan ablaze and the kitchen on fire. My mate set about extinguishing the curtains and shelves while I tried to carry the chip pan outside.

Unfortunately I tripped on the lip of the hall door and dropped the pan. I received third degree burns to my arms and left hand and second degree burns to my face from the splashing oil.

In the living room, there were the two wagons fast asleep on the settee and neither could be woken up, they were so p*ssed. Meanwhile, I had to spend the night at the A&E.

They were very lucky you came home it sounds! Bummer bout the burns! I know oil burns very well - like a boxer knows getting punched in the nose. But not to the extent it seems you got hit! That must have been painful!

[NiallGK]

Yes and no No. 16, I went into shock pretty quickly and didn't feel much because my hands were wrapped in wet towels. The burns to my face and the palm of my hand were the most painful and it took over a year for the marks to fade away.

[No. 16]

I see. I can imagine. In one kitchen i worked we had a big cast iron skillet sitting on all night white hot and at the ready (dry) for Pittsburgh searing and cajun blackening steaks. Someone had just done a ribeye in it so there was a decent layer of black fat left over smoking in it. I was working saute on the burners right in front. We were going all out and i don't know where the liquid came from, but all i heard was a loud POP with roaring sizzle. The iron pan just burst split into 3 pieces and the smoking cajun spice black fat flew into my face as if flung from whisk. There was no permanent scarring, but the countless speckles of burns stopped half way down my neck where my collar began. They were there for about a year. I had to soldier on though.

The worst thing about burns in a kitchen is they hurt worse near heat. I was surrounded by fire. When one lost a bit of skin from a hot oil burn on one's arm or hand and one knows exactly what it is going to feel like having to stick that hand in an oven every few minutes for the next couple hours - one tends to swear with great monstrous fury that stops people dead in their tracks ever so briefly.
(but of course through teeth gritted enough so as not to disturb the dining patrons. This mufflung constraint seems to result in an extension of the duration of the abrupt and aggressive purge through the release valve)

[Pixie]

Oh Boo Boo, I so nearly got it right last night.I planned ahead,I made 6 little pies last weekend,minced beef and veg,froze them.So. raiding freezer last night after imbibing somewhat,I knew I had good fresh food.so what went wrong.I was worried after all the reports about nasty burns etc though I've never used a chip pan I appreciate cooking is dangerous.So oven on pie in,but forgot to put temperature on,I had to suck the pie,well shared it with the dog..only fair as I ate his pasta week before.
Tonight dinner almost cooked,1bttle only shared with step fr ,will eat after NZ match,before real match.

[Pixie]

oh dear at it again and so early for the one eye,Bad day at the office bad day with other ...stuff...1 btle red down, g&t operational now,no food already..long long day, late home- don't worry any one that is in th eknow Tadhg was fed inthe morning andwS FED THIS EVENEING All I did was give him a biscuit or two... eating fish fingers cooked on iron pan no oil- burtn both side ( I don#t like fish), patsta spirals, coated with mayonaise( don't like eggs- allergic), and encoda hot sauce( expired 2004)

but i will live totell the tale... i know in will..
Fish is good for Brain(Hee heee hee) pasta good stodge for alcohol, chillie sauce to kill everything, date- vintage can't complain

Got my sarries ticets today..

[taz]

oh dear at it again and so early for the one eye,Bad day at the office bad day with other ...stuff...1 btle red down, g&t operational now,no food already..long long day, late home- don't worry any one that is in th eknow Tadhg was fed inthe morning andwS FED THIS EVENEING All I did was give him a biscuit or two... eating fish fingers cooked on iron pan no oil- burtn both side ( I don#t like fish), patsta spirals, coated with mayonaise( don't like eggs- allergic), and encoda hot sauce( expired 2004)

but i will live totell the tale... i know in will..
Fish is good for Brain(Hee heee hee) pasta good stodge for alcohol, chillie sauce to kill everything, date- vintage can't complain

Got my sarries ticets today..

That post made my day Trixie

[John Cooper Clarke]

Make sure you turn off the cooker, and drink plenty of water - sounds like you'll need to.

[Pixie]

That post made my day Trixie

Trixie or Pixe.... I know its very confusing..

[Pixie]

haaaa ha Sorry askerries but you beat me... Rat for breakfast wow good one. May be if it was skinned and filleted( oir what ever) I would eat it, fried with onion garlic chillies ginger spioces who would know- just meat..... Yum yum

[Pixie]

Make sure you turn off the cooker, and drink plenty of water - sounds like you'll need to.

Yep you are right- cooker is off, water yep your right again- the water is automatic- I even wake up in night to get a pint- cooker is big time,,and I sympathise with earlier posts re chip pans, its not funny, it frightening and it happens, and I know its daft to [lay with fire after drink.the consequences can be irreverable and forever. Im lucky- my big problem is alway poisoning!I dont mean to demean the dangers, but I do eat some disgusting stuff after drink- anything to soak up the alcohol before bed

[taz]

Trixie or Pixe.... I know its very confusing..

Ahhh your ok so

[No Bother]

Fair play Pixie, you will eventually discover the ultimate food to cook when pissed, the search continues.

[mr chips]

Tis awful complicated sounding Pixie - always keep a loaf of bread in the freezer, set the toaster to the "from frozen" setting and you can have instant gratification with maximum convenience. One of my post-pints staples is cheese on toast microwaved for a minute and topped with some tomato pickle, omnomnom.

[Pixie]

Ha ha yet again I survived.Just found some white pudding,stuck a load in freezer when I got back from Edinbgh match,so its fresh,forgot id taken some out last night.At least I've got breakfast now.

[Pixie]

Tis awful complicated sounding Pixie - always keep a loaf of bread in the freezer, set the toaster to the "from frozen" setting and you can have instant gratification with maximum convenience. One of my post-pints staples is cheese on toast microwaved for a minute and topped with some tomato pickle, omnomnom.

Never tried microwaving cheese on toast,does it go rubbery?.
Trouble is finding any food in cupboards,by end of week not much fresh food left.No cheese no bread, had some branston on last few crackers earlier,usually have some dried pasta in that I give the dog every now and then.he is lucky always food in for him,never tried his kibbles though.

[DONC]

Pixie I very much hope you are saving these recipies to publish this could be your avenue to fame and fortune. This is far more inventive than Michelin will ever be.

[No. 16]

leftover Fajitas - cold! ;-)

meat and/or chicken and bell peppers (already sauteed in olive oil, garlic, cumin, chilli, lime, coriander)
refried beans
jalapenos
grated cheese
sour creme
salsa
jalapenos
black olives
guacamole
jalapenos
wrapped up in a flour tortilla

wash down with a beer

Repeat x3

[mr chips]

Never tried microwaving cheese on toast,does it go rubbery?.

Nah, you only need less than a minute on full power (depending on how thick you slice the cheese and how powerful your microwave is) and you have lovely runny cheese. Leave it in too long though and it just welds itself to the bread. Also, if you're doing two slices of bread in one go it's worth taking them out halfway through to swap them around to make sure you don't end up with the outside nice & runny and the centre only starting to melt.

Never realised there was so much technique to this till I started to write it down!

Trouble is finding any food in cupboards,by end of week not much fresh food left.

Keep some bread in the freezer!! Or find a life partner who's willing to go to the shop for you on demand, works for me ...

[Huwie]

As we are on melting cheese in microdons.

Get some Toast - well done - no need to butter
Put on a plate
Shove on some cold beans
Feck some cheese on top

Microwave for 2 mins or so.

Done.

[mr chips]

Baked beans, ming-a-ding ... Can't even stand the smell of them.

[Huwie]

Baked beans, ming-a-ding ... Can't even stand the smell of them.

They are an acquired taste.

[No. 16]

I had a full tin of beans once after copious schoops of Guinness and heaps of broccoli with dinner - I had to open the windows for fear of the house exploding. I apologise to all of humanity for the detriment I caused to the ozone layer. I hold my hand up with shame. There is a small block of ice that floated out to sea from the polar cap with my name on it.

[Huwie]

I had a full tin of beans once after copious schoops of Guinness and heaps of broccoli with dinner - I had to open the windows for fear of the house exploding. I apologise to all of humanity for the detriment I caused to the ozone layer. I hold my hand up with shame. There is a small block of ice that floated out to sea from the polar cap with my name on it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iceberg_D-16 ??

[DONC]

I had a full tin of beans once after copious schoops of Guinness and heaps of broccoli with dinner - I had to open the windows for fear of the house exploding. I apologise to all of humanity for the detriment I caused to the ozone layer. I hold my hand up with shame. There is a small block of ice that floated out to sea from the polar cap with my name on it.

I would hazard a guess more than that floated out to sea with your name on it